You really can't read a man

I've been fucked over. Royally fucked over.

To be honest, I really should have seen this coming. I swear the word "commitment" is something which haunts me more than anything else.

As soon as I feel like something going well, the universe or god likes to remind me that I was designed to be the messy-love-life-single girl.

I was seriously worried that I'd run out of content for this blog. What a joke. This one I truly didn't see coming.

If you're reading this chronologically, you might have read my last blog post about my very romantic date making me feel like I was in a movie. 

Again, what a joke.

This story really just proves that you can NEVER know what a man's intentions are, even when they give all off all of the signs that they was something more.

I'll just start by giving you a run down of my week;

On Sunday, I went on a date with said-boy (we'll name him Leon) for coffee. This was our second date.

 Now, I wasn't all that keen on Leon to begin with - he seemed nice, we had a good date but he was a bit short (slightly fickle I know, but I am fairly tall so it seemed like a big deal.) This date seemed to go very well and I thought he seemed like a really nice guy.

Our first date was nice, but I didn't really like him. I never do after a first date, to be honest. This is probably reason 101 why I'm so pissed off.

Then the next day, Leon texted asking if I wanted to watch a movie. I said yes but, because I was waiting for my Tesco delivery order, I said to come over to mine instead.

 

Never let a man stop you from getting your groceries, ladies.

We watched Monty Python's The Holy Grail on my laptop and pretty much chatted over the entire thing. He was funny and made me laugh. After the film ended, he kissed me. 

Not bad. Which was a relief to be honest. The worst thing when you're in you're own room, is a bad kisser. I've had an experience before when I've had to call an emergency flatmate to rescue me from a bad kisser and had to kick him out.

He was super sweet and ended up staying the night. However, after he kissed me I made my intentions very clear and said: "Just so you know, I don't really go any further with people unless I really know them."

AND HE SAID: "Yeah that's completely fine."

This, boys and girls, is when you state YOUR intentions as well. Because otherwise our signals will get crossed.

On Thursday, I recommended to go for sushi which he sounded very keen on - this guy did not hold back with exclamation marks.

We seemed really compatible. Similar backgrounds, common interests, we joked a lot together.

I even watched Dirty Dancing, my favourite movie of all time with him, which he loved. Rooky error.

I stayed over, kissing all night and lay in bed until 12 the next day. He even said; "I know you said you wanted to take things slow, so just let me know if we're doing anything too fast."

We were even talking about a restaurant and he said "that's where we're going next?" Honestly, this felt like a good sign.

On Saturday, we went on a date in the Peaks (his idea) for a walk and kissed in the grass (for more details, you can read me last post here.)

I told him to message me. He did. And we were messaging for the next three days.

That leads to today. After asking to meet me for coffee (the fifth time he organised a date with me). He paid for my coffee quite unexpectedly. 

A part of me is glad that I bought my extortionately priced caramel soya latte.

After about half an hour of non-stop regular chats, he turns to me and says:

"So I've been thinking a lot about our situation. I really like spending time with you, but I just don't think I have time for any other commitments. I have a lot of things going on and I don't think that I'm in a place for a relationship."

Sorry, what?

"I just don't think we should keep seeing each other this way since I don't think I want a relationship."

"I'm sorry because I know I've been coming on a bit strong."

Yeah, no shit.

What were all these dates about? Where was this when I said I didn't want to have sex until I knew him better? 

My intentions were made very clear early on. I gave him an out. He should have taken it on our third date.

I looked at him and said; "I'm pretty busy too, you know."

"Yeah, it's mostly the emotional commitment, I really like you but I don't think we should keep seeing you in this way if we want different things out it."

Why did you ask me out in the first place? He was showing every sign that he wanted something more until this point.

I'm pretty good at keeping calm in those situations but I definitely couldn't hide the fact that I was surprised by what he was saying.

But I'm not going to chase someone who says he won't commit. You won't be getting any begging from me.

We talked for a little bit longer then walked home. I climbed into Rach's bed and honestly, she was just as shocked as I was.

So after a few hours of ranting, anger and wallowing with my girls (love them to bits), I'm here writing this to get it off my chest.

Here is the thing, if it was just a regular two-week-casual-drinks thing, I wouldn't be so stunned, but this guy was giving off zero red flags. And trust me, I am very good at spotting red flags.

More than this, kissing, cuddling, watching movies, agreeing to "take things slow", daytime dates, talking about family life, and, more importantly, seeing each other five times in one week doesn't wuite scream "I just want something casual".

I feel like an absolute idiot. I even named him to people. No longer was he "Tuesday date boy" (I was seeing two boy the week of our first date) but I said to people that I was seeing Leon.

Just last night, I was talking about him, all excitedly thinking it may go somewhere.

Thank god I didn't fuck him.

If you're a boy reading this, don't leave it until the SIXTH date to tell me that you aren't looking for commitment. 

Also, don't ask me out before knowing your intentions. That's just a shitty thing to do. I'd much rather you tell me that you were just down to fuck after I tell you that I have strict boundaries.

I have a life. Don't come into it without a set purpose because otherwise, I'm sorry but I just don't have the time for you.

Honestly, I'm ready for my place at the convent now.

This is why I don't trust boys. 

They always let you down.

Maybe my life can be a romance sometimes?

So...

I might be a little bit excited over someone at the moment. And FOR ONCE it seems to be a mutual liking. They're not giving me the ick, neither of us appear to be emotionally unavailable - that's quite rare, really.

I can help but be a little excited, especially when dates just seem to be going so well. At first I thought it might be just me. I have a really annoying habit of assuming that a person will stop liking me as soon as I start to like them (it's a control thing I think).

I just need to use this blog post to describe what my date was like yesterday because it does sound like it came straight out of one of the romance books sat on my shelf at home.

Picture this:

A walk out in the valleys of the peaks. Its a sunny autumn day in early November. The air is crisp and fresh. No rain, no wind and completely quiet. No one else around. 

We sat and ate lunch on a soft patch of grass, chatting and laughing.

After our food, we lay down in the long grass talking about our futures; what we want to do, where we want to travel.

And kissing. In the valley, with nobody around.

Just perfect.

But to be continued I suppose...

"The three date rule"

Last night was my third date with a guy that I've been seeing. We met at a party recently so it really was the whole "getting to know you" type of situation. First date was drinks at the pub. Second date, coffee.

Third date? Movie at home. And that would lead to...

You see, when it comes to actually dating, there's this rule.  "The three date rule". That is dictating that a person shouldn't have sex until at least the third date, with the fear of appearing too "loose" to the other person.

And while the idea of being "too loose" as a woman is a pretty outdated construct from the patriarchal expectations of female sexuality, the "three date rule" still exists as a concept.

The three date rule may be holding off having sex on the third date, but for me, it's even kissing. Like if you're trying to date me, you definitely will not have been the randomer that I got with in the club on Saturday night. Those are what I'd like to call "ego kisses". 

When it comes to sex, I am a self diagnosed prude. I understand the whole "virginity is a social construct" thing. Yet when it comes to my own body, my boundaries are about as tight as a woman from the Victorian times. I've come to accept these boundaries as much as I am able, but this does mean that for me, the three date rule is a rule to do with kidding and certainly no further.

I was chatting to Meals before the impromptu date, discussing about whether I'd decide to sleep with him. Obviously this was a no for reasons stated previously, but when it comes to a kiss? I could be persuaded.

Every girl knows about the three date rule. Whether you follow it or not makes no difference to the value of you love life, really. But rather, it's a rule I've heard whilst watching Sex and the City or Friends. Now we are reaching our 20s, beginning to date like adults rather than school crushes, we have decide whether we want to follow it?

I suppose this is the whole "dating like an adult" thing is something that most people go through at some point. I just didn't realise that, not even at 20, I would be trying to navigate the dating sphere and all of it's rules so early on.

I suppose it really shouldn't matter whether you end up taking on this advice that seems to have walked straight out of Carrie Bradshaw's advice column and into every woman's mind, but for me I seem to follow the advice unknowingly.

If I am dating you, I probably won't know if I even like you until the 2nd or 3rd date. That is, if you're lucky enough to make it to one of them.

And that would be because (a) finding red flags on a date is apparently my favourite game and (b) I usually don't trust people enough to go on another date.

But anyways, therapy sessions can be arranged for another time...

The point is, the three date rule (at least when it comes to kissing) seems to be working for me and I think I should stick to it for now, at least.

And for anybody wondering, my third date went very well.

When your online dating life backfires...

 

Oh the joys of Tinder.

I could not have possibly gotten more dropped in it by the universe than the other night. 

So, for context, I was already out with my ex- friends with benefits situation (please reserve your judgements) who we'll call Scott, when this event occurred.

Awkward encounter number one occurred waiting in the line with Scott queuing to get in to West Street Live. 45 MINUTES. Absolutely outrageous behaviour. 

We were talking about god knows what when an incredibly drunk tinder boy who I went on a date with last year (and who I got with in a club recently) appeared next to the barriers.

"You look so beautiful" he said in a drooling slur. How romantic.

After they leave, Scott turns to me with a look. 

"Tinder boy?" he asks.

I nod.

I would like to chime in here by saying that I didn't online date that much last year. Sure I talked to quite a few boys, like most people did. It was the pandemic lockdowns. If you were single, you were bored. But realistically I only met up with two boys from the dating apps in real life. 

Unfortunately, this guy happened to be one of them.

Moving on to awkward encounter number two.

As I was walking away from the bar with my 5th (?) drink of the night, I'm stopped as someone touches my shoulder.

"Excuse me, are you Imogen?" I hear as I turn to face a man I do not recognise in the slightest.

"Yes?" I say hesitantly.

"We matched on Hinge!"

Oh god.

For context, I got Hinge last year in March, went on a couple of dates and then deleted it by July. THIS WAS SIX MONTHS AGO.

This guy began talking to me as if we really knew each other when, in reality, I don't even remember messaging him at all.

Maybe he doesn't get a lot of matches? I'm sorry to say this, but if we match on a dating app, I may not even be able to recognise you if you bump into me in a public setting(which was a hypothesis that was confirmed by this situation)

I don't know this hinge guy's name to this day, so for the sake of this post, we'll call him Josh.

So anyways, Josh seems to be able to read facial expressions all too well and then says, "You have no idea who I am, do you?"

Still a little stunned, I just shook my head and said, "No, I'm sorry I don't."

And if we think all of this is bad, let's just remind ourselves of the fun detail that I was out with my ex "situationship" friends-with-benefits guy that I broke things off a month ago.

Some would say that it's a pretty ideal situation - showing off in front of you ex all the guys that you've been seeing. For me, however, it felt more like pure embarrassment.

Picture this; you're standing in the middle of your ex FWB and one of you matches on Tinder having a friendly chat while you want the ground to swallow you whole for looking like you've date every guy under the sun by this point.

How many doubles would you proceed to drink after this?

My double rum and apple - which is a great drink by the way - went down faster than a drink ever has before.